10/10/10

Originally posted: 10/10/2010

I am officially due today. To me, that means I have a one day old clawing around in there... to her it means NOTHING. Literally. She could care freaking less- or at least that is what I gather from her lack of punctual appearance. The truth is that even if I went into full-blown contractions this very second, she'd probably still be born tomorrow. That said, I am still in disbelief and find myself in a frenzy when I realize it could really, honestly, seriously happen at ANY minute. I'm nervous and scared. A person can't imagine the fears you have as a parent until you've become one... Never have I worried about putting the lid to the toilet seat down or if I have the right laundry detergent. I've never been afraid of a staircase or picking the "right" childcare provider. I never imagined biting my nails over whether the other little girls will like her pigtails or if she'll be an incredible soccer player like her Dada. All of a sudden, I want to lock her up in my room and snuggle her and pray she'll never grow up. But, then again, I am afraid of that, too... I want her to be so outgoing and to enjoy every second of her magical life... but what if she gets her heartbroken? What if she doesn't get cast in the Spring Musical? How do you balance letting her be the beautiful, intelligent, and talented little lady she is destined to be and still keep her safe? Let's just say that being a Mama isn't for the faint at heart. Either way, this journey begins soon... Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. One thing I do promise is that whether she shows up today or not, I will always remember her as my perfect 10 baby due on 10/10/10. Gentle. Sweet. Perfect 10.