Even on the worst day of my life...

Originally posted: 10/24/2010

I have an incredible daughter that stares into my eyes and loves me as much as I love her. Blissful, wonderful, sweet little girl... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I will be home in about 36 hours. I'll be working on some job prospects and trying to get my feet under me, but will have tons of downtime and want so many of you to meet Burrito Girl. Please, reach out to me and let us know when you can meet. I look forward to the distractions. I'm having a really tough time and I appreciate all the support.


A quick sentimental note: Throughout my whole life, I dreamed of having a daughter. Even in my high school relationships, when we would get serious and playfully talk of the future, I'd mention a daughter. Tim and I [as niave as we were!] had already decided to name our daughter Emily. Patrick and I lived almost an entire summer apart [me in Tennessee, him in Maryland] and would draw pictures of our little family via webcam in the early morning hours. Now, I was obviously a silly high school girl and took many of my boyfriends a bit too seriously, but I ALWAYS wanted a family and especially ALWAYS wanted a daughter. I remember when I got pregnant, I called my Mom first and we KNEW that Ellie was a girl. My grandmother knew. My sister knew. I was always meant to have a daughter. Why? I don't know. I think it's because I believe in the magical strength of women and have always thought I'd be able to raise a strong and confident woman. I think I knew I'd be successful at teaching her to be classy, honest, and devoted. There are so many girls out there with fears of how they compare to men, with insecurities about their place in the world, and with the inability to express what they want and how to get it. I think I was supposed to have a daughter so that there would be something extraordinary in this world... Something innocent and genuine. And, then I got her. The tears that I cried when I found out Ellie was a girl... You can't imagine. A lifetime dream living inside of me, ready to burst into the world and make her undeniable mark. The true joy upon realizing that my whole life was meant for something. I had a purpose. I have a purpose. There could never be a sorrow as deep as I currently feel... but I have Ellie. The dream of my life. And again I will say, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.